Asking Too Many Questions

It starts with one innocent thought: How do you get the attention of a ghost?

Do you call out their name? Light some candles? Show up with a Ouija board and hope the spirit of some guy named Gerald feels chatty? And if you do get their attention, what’s the protocol? Do you shake hands? Do ghosts even have hands?

See, this is where things start spiraling. Because one question turns into too many questions.

- Do ghosts tend to haunt places they lived or where they died?

- Why is it always basements and attics? What’s wrong with a good mid-century modern living room?

- Are there patterns to EMF frequencies? Or are we all just standing around with ghost-hunting radios hoping for static?

- Can ghosts tell when we’re talking about them? If so, do they find us annoying?

- Do ghosts have hobbies? Is there a spirit out there whose unfinished business is finally getting through their Netflix backlog?

I realize something pretty quickly: these are questions that might be too big for one person.

To answer these questions, I’m going to need help. A team of really smart people. Maybe even experts in spectral science, historical research, and electromagnetic field anomalies.

…Or, maybe smarter than that. Maybe way smarter.

Maybe a team of AI’s specially trained in the absurd.

Yes. That’s it. If I’m going to tackle the mysteries of the paranormal, I need something that never sleeps, never second-guesses, and can analyze vast amounts of ridiculous data without rolling its eyes at me.

Ghosts, meet the AI hive mind.

This is either going to end in groundbreaking discoveries… or me having very intense debates with a machine about whether ghosts would rather haunt a house or an abandoned roller rink.

Either way, I’m in. Let’s see what happens.